Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
