she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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