that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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