Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
