Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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