...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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