I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
