i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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