Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
