i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
