Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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