She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
