is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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