Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
