I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
