Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
you never un-have a 4some
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
