I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
