Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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