I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
