I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I need to align my fucking chakras
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
