Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
