btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
