He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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