the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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