If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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