How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
