i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
