Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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