so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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