I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
