Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
