So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
