So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
