my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
