and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
