I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
