omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize