I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
