You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
