I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
