John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Randomize
