I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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