Duck Duck Cougar?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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