Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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