I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
