I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
