I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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