hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Shame - the story of my life.
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