My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize