i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
