we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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