remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
