So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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