mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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