Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just found puke in my bra..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
