The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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