He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
