I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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