i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
