R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
