I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
