dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
