don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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