he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
