When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
