It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
