I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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