not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
