If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
