Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
