you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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