barbara walters just said penis...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize