I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
