Her vagina should come with caution tape.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
