Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
