So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Rumble strips road head = magical
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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