So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
