A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize