cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
