i already hear my dad disowning me
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
