How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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