I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Semen is not good for contacts.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize