I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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