I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
