there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
