my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Come on in and take your pants off
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