Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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