Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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