i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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