you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
