She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
