We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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