This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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