I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
