We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
