i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
