the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize