He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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