Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
