Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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