I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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