You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize