somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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