I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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