I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
