Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
